I want you back

It's at times like this where I miss you most. We may not meet up often we may be quarrelling most of the time but without you around, that spark seemed to die off. There's no one to replace that 2 years relationship we built up, no one would ever be able to quarrel with me like you do, NO ONE.
I really hate that I have to spend one month alone wondering if you are sleeping well, eating well and if anyone is bullying you. Part of me hates you so much for doing silly things and leaving me out here and part of me just worries sick. I guess when we said in the past that we have to go through every obstacles together, this was the big one that caught us by surprise.
Day two and i'm already crying like mad here wishing i could do something to change all these but who am I? I'm just your girlfriend I can't make anything miraculously happen. Everyone wishes that you become someone better when you come back out but all I really wish for is you out here with me. Good or bad, it doesnt matter. Just need you here with me, through everything.
And i dont know if i'm just pure unlucky and this is a test for me but people dont usually ask about you but after something like this happen, i see people who are close to you or people just start asking where are you. I have to lie i have to pretend, but this is the worst lie and the worst fake smile i ever have to put up.
I didnt really give you much but just a big head after this relationship began, and i know that myself. I definitely cant undo no shit but well, i want you to have a happier and enjoyable life when youre our. I'll do what i promise to do for you before you come out and of course, though it's a little late, we're still gonna celebrate our 2 years anniversary.
I'm gonna say this once, dont you ever dare miss out on our anniversary again, i will slaughter you. Yes Nicholas Young Hoong Pan, i'm sending you a death threat. You better keep that in mind!

I love you, and you always knew that. But you dont know, that i'll love you for life (:

P.S. I'm still angry at you because you're missing out on our second anniversary asshole.

Life's A Routine

Omg! I really feel like my entire life is a routine, work then go home and the cycle goes on and on. Sometimes kind of regretted like telling Ben (My oh-so-friendly operating manager) that I wanna work till september. I rather work part time )': go whenever I want at least I have like a little time to breathe and not work every single day.

Is like whenever someone asks me, eh what's your plan for tomorrow or, wanna club tonight. My answer lately has always been, working or, can't stay up late working tomorrow. Sighs, work & sleep equals no social life. Work & social life equals no sleep.

So lately, I've decided maybe being a nerd would be better. Shall stay home and stare at my computer all day long.

Let's just start off by saying. I've have started to play my childhood game again - Maplestory. Haha! Okay okay, I have a lot to tell you guys! Like shit loads! You know how boring and lame Maple was when we were young? LOL. Now it's like a whole new thing! Got animations and a lot of cool stuff. I still remembered I could never ever hit level 70 in Maple last time without cash or like 2x-exp events and MOST of the time I'm the forever alone kid with no mesos, no maple items and of course no friends (Just some nerd primary school friends - Jethro)

But now it's a total different story I can level up to freaking 50 within one or two day NO PROBLEM. And I've only started playing for the second day and HELLO I have close to twenty maple items. Hahaahahh! The game changed so much it's shocking! LOL.

They have a lot of character now too! I'm playing the newest one! Last time there was like archer, mage, warrior and theif (The basics in all this kinda games) But now, there's mechanic (You sit on a fucking robot and move) and also my previous character before this (I ride on a freaking jaguar!) And those are already counted old! They freaking have demon slayer, cannon shooter and the one I'm playing mercedes! Like mad fuck cool right! So basically cannon shooter holds a cannon and mercedes holds a dual gunbow. MAD FUCK COOL. I don't know what demon slayer has cause I never really go read about it but I know all cool can already la!

Okay enough nerd talk! I'm gonna nua outside now since there's clearly nothing to do. I shall cool off from maple for awhile cause I have been rotting at home the whole entire day. LOLOLOL. Okay! I shall re-edit the post with pictures if I can find. LOL.

If not I'll prolly just go home and play maple then nua at work tomorrow. Sighs, I wanna go on strike. Work is a chore. I wanna go home and play maple. Hahaha! OMG, thanks to joyce I think I'm a maple-addict! :x OKAY MAINTAIN.

Goodbye people, blog when I'm free which I don't know when it'll be. Hahahah! Love, xoxo.

Barricade

Hi, I'm back. I have a topic that I'm so very excited to blog about this particular person that have been getting popularity for pushing an old lady down the bus, Alex Ong. I'm pretty sure everyone know what he did already and I've only to know that it was because of the 76 years-old lady pressing the bus bell at the very last minute. Never seen what a commotion he made? No worries, I'm delighted to show you.

So clearly you guys know what this asshole did right? He literally just pushed the elderly off the bus. Really, I am speechless when I saw that. I really wish that God put me in that bus at that very moment, I wouldn't be so nice and just tell him off. I will walk up to him and punch him straight in the face. Even if I get in trouble for doing that it will be worth it. 

First he wanted to slap the old lady which I couldn't tell. I was like what the hell is he going to do? 

Seriously, to look into an elderly's eye and still have the heart to want to slap her and bloody hell push her, this guy be it mentally sick or not, has no heart at all. Really. 

After this part he just bloody pushed the lady down. There was a lot of things I was furious with is:

a) Y U PEOPLE ON THE BUS NO WHACK HIM!?

b) The person who took this video was some guy from NewPaper, I mean I know you feel really good that you've gotten a chance to get such an awesome story but hello, how can you sit there so calmly when you see an elderly getting pushed down. (At that point of time when she got pushed, I was already fuming with rage, cursing & swearing at the laptop as it I was there) 

c) Y BUS UNCLE STILL LET HIM STAY ON THE BUS!? If I were the bus driver, call the police on the spot get him arrested instantly. 

d) This loser defending himself with mental illnesses. Go jump down the building or something, DON'T HURT INNOCENT ELDERLY PLEASE.

Really super pissed off with this asshole. I'm typing so hard on the keyboard I think it's gonna break too. And he still have the cheek to bloody defend himself with mental illness. If I'm not wrong, it's autism. 

He still have the cheek to say publicly that..

Bloody asshole. Really no need face, go let the dogs eat better. 

Still got the bloody cheek by indirectly saying like it was her who "kind of" started it. Really, when I read all these, wanna ask God to send him straight to hell. Let all the devil punish him. Light push my ass! Light push will fall with injuries? So if I was pissed I should go around pushing people? LOL, then i guess you'll see people lying all over Singapore cause everyone would be pushing everyone. 

Why not we all just push ourselves down buses, cool trend eh. 

And you said you had autism, like seriously. YOU THINK WE SINGAPORE STUPID? I'll show you the symptoms someone suffering from autism should have.

If you ask me I don't see anything about pushing elderly down the bus. Either you are trying to be a wimp and hide your fault with mental illnesses or wiki has a problem (which I highly doubt so) 

Then you changed your story to how pathetically you were treated in Secondary School and army. And the way you talk, doesn't seem apologetic at all, sorry if I'm being too straightforward but I really feel this way. I bet you were treated badly in the past because you were an asshole since then.

So if you think saying a sorry would change what you did, well you're damn wrong. Why not I push you down now & just say I'm sorry. 

Alex Ong, I can't wait for you to be punished. It's a disgrace I have the same surname as you. Still posting shit indirectly blaming the old lady. Stop being more of a disgrace that you already are. 

Let's all get depression and push people off buses and all we got to do is apologize like as if we were so damn sorry but still indirectly blaming the other party. Then come up with excuses like I was an abused child. 

Okay, I believe the post is long enough. So shall blog another time. Anyway I'm back doing covers so do check me out on youtube by searching CherylEscadaMusic your comments and feedbacks are appreciated be it good or bad! 

Like my facebook page @ Cheryl Escada Ong too! Much love and let's stop pushing people off buses. SAY NO TO ALEX ONG! (: 

xoxo.

What goes around comes around

Okay I'm blogging with my iPad now because I ain't going home tonight because I hate how unreasonable my dad can be.

So yes back here to rant. The problem is, today when my mum fetched me to work she told me that she will tell my dad to come over to pick me up from work since I'm going to end really late so that when he picked me I won't have to go home very late. So when I was near ending time, I gave him a call not knowing that it was my phone that is causing problem so I called several times before realising my phone had no reception so I moved myself and called again and asked him nicely and again this asshole fucking scolded me. Then fucking say till like I fucking only think for myself. If you don't want me to go out bloody hell just tell me you want me stay home. No need to add so much oil to the fire. And furthermore you complained to mum as if it was my fault. Seriously you only think for yourself and think you fucking awesome. Too bad man, you're far from it you're just pure arrogant. Trust me dude I'm not the only one saying it.

And okay Cheryl is having problems with Tingli and I would like to ask everyone what do you think of this. This child play is driving me mad la k. So this girl name Tingli decided to leave her things with Cheryl to sell but want to take back last minute. And she expect Cheryl to go her house again to pass to her which I think too ridiculous. Then this Tingli tell me neverminds, lot one but the thing is still far for Cheryl so I gave her a choice bukit panjang since its so close to lot one like five ten minutes can reach already she say she got curfew and she stays at bukit batok so being nice and understanding I told her k lo leave at my house then she use the curfew reason again and started being rude. Fuck I dont know why people grow their brains on butt nowadays. Seriously as a friend of hers I believe you guys know where is bukit batok lot one and bukit timah right? So can you please teach her before bringing up gangster stuff to talk. Really what is happening to the world.

Okay shall stop ranting, gonna chillz and spend the night with baby!

So near yet so far

Hello! Haven't blogged cause I barely had the time to even used the comp super exhausted from work and I need a break ASAP!

So lately I've been really busy with work and also with frequent hospital visit to meet my grandpa, thank God he doing so well compared to before. And hopefully in time he will be my healthy grandpa again. Sigh only the first month of work and I'm dead tired! Feel like a weaklinggggg!!

Things has been going great with slutty young too! Happy together and no distraction from anyone or anything haha!

Well I think in reaching my stop already! I shall blog when I'm free! Of course, I'll feel the post with pictures too! And I think in going to start doing covers with iPad! I tried it out it was pretty good so ya think I'm just going to use it!

Make a chance

Guess what! Hahah, I'm posting on the bus with an iPad now. So bloody bored and so bloody lazy to get to work but I need money so desperately. And the downside to this entire bullshit is that I have to work for the entire week straight with no off days, is like killing me mentally y'know!

Ugh! Work is killer, I honestly can't wait for school to start and I'm always a sucker for new environment. Haha learn new things and I really have the feel to be a nerd! Hehe!

Okay so lately it has been tiring for me! Before work visit grandpa, after work visit grandpa or find baby. Is like I haven't had a chance to really sit down and think about story of my life for even one second! Never been so busy in my life before. Hahahaha need a break like now!

Okay I'm reaching my stop! Shall edit the blog post later or just create a new one! Buh-bye

I wish people could see with their heart

Finally saw young today. But it sure didn't feel right at all. I feel that recently whatever I do, I am never ever good enough for anyone, be it family or friends. And it's like.. no one really understands how much pain I'm going through and how much of a break I really need and how much appreciation I would show if someone could at least think for me for once. I'm pretty tired to be seen as the bad guy, as the heartless monster.

I swear, right now, I feel everything I do, FOREVER WRONG.

1. Visit my grandpa late - I don't give no shit about him.
2. Trying to understand that my boyf still need his friends - Get fucked by his mum.
3. Trying to help boyf's parents lessen their stress - Get fucked by boyf.
4. Worried for boyf - Ask to ignore (If we were together for a few days, maybe it's possible, but a year plus? Asking me to ignore is like asking me to dig my grave for myself and bury myself alive)
5. Decided to hide how I feel so people worry less - Being fake.
6. Thinking quietly so that even though it hurts, nobody know - Caught stoning, get fucked.

Fuck this piece of pangsai man, what does the fugging world want from me? Nowadays, I feel like I'm not wanted anywhere. Go where, confirm got something I do or say is definitely wrong. So yes, I've concluded that every single person's life would be so much happier without me. Really, I'm useless everywhere I go, my self-esteem has drop from a hundred to ground zero.

Sighing every five minutes trying to figure a way out for me. How the hell is it possible to make everyfuckingone happy and keep myself happy too? It's like pick one & there's no other choice. Sometimes I really wanna tell the world to go fuck themselves. And this is what people call life? These are call obstacles? Wow, wouldn't it be great if shits called obstacles were lessen and maybe a little more happiness? Oh wait, but in fairytales, it's always happily ever after. So I assumed that the "after" in fairytales means death in real life. Because to be very honest, if that was the effing case, I would've killed myself the moment I was born.

I really don't get it, we can't commit suicide because it lead us to hell. There's no other way but to feed yourself with shit and pass away then you go to heaven and enjoy. So what is these shit eating session for? Life lesson? I sure as hell didn't learn anything but knowing and wanting to pass away sooner, better yet eat all the crap and die of some shit heart attack and pass away, NATURAL DEATH ALSO WHAT!

Pissed with life.

Watching as the day goes by

Yes, back blogging. Trying my hardest to make the blog come alive again. I find my life pretty boring and depressed really. Working my ass off since 10:30 am - 9:30 pm and my sales is still like shit. Nobody fugging steps into the shop at all. There's practically not a single soul in sight. Now you know how desperate I was to make my sales go higher. Furthermore, more sales equals more money ($$$!) So I'm so bloody desperate but still no luck.

After many failed attempts of pshyco-ing people to buy something, Siti & I decided to end our misery, closed the shop early and headed over to pasir panjang for dinner with my parents if not somebody is gonna scold me for not eating again. Was too damn tired so I slept during my break, didn't even give a damn if people was looking a not, LOL.

Back home after that feeling as shitty as usual. Grandpa still hanging on to his dear life while I'm at home missing him. Kind of pissed off that people think that I literally give no shit about him. The thing is I have a fugging job, as much as I want to live life like some carefree person, I have responsibilities too! Can't possibly just take off as and when I want. Plus my shop only has me and Audrey around, if she doesn't open the shop, I have to. So can you all just understand that as much as I want to be and asshole and skip work like before I can't. Because if the shop doesn't open, I'm at fault & I'll get blacklisted?

It's annoying when my mum keeps rubbing it in my face that everyone was present but me. You think I don't want to be there? You think I want to ignore grandpa needs of me being around? Fuck, really. This is why I hate talking to her. She never gets me. Absolutely nothing I do pleases her. I don't get a job she says I'm wasting my life at home being a couch potato, so I go out, then she say I don't spend time with the family. I get a job and she says I don't care. What logic is this?

Getting on my nerves seriously. Any free time I have I make sure I'll go find grandpa, and I definitely don't need you to nag me to know that. You don't even know how I feel, I don't expect you to know that I care. From day 1, your words to me are "I don't care about anyone but myself" and "I only think for myself" and "I'm self-centered". I just find no reasons to talk back because clearly you don't understand me at all!

Still, I'm not going to let you affect me, I'm gonna visit grandpa when I can, and I love him. Your thoughts and comments have no bloody effects on me anymore. I'm pretty sick of being accused of being someone I'm not. Telling people how I am? Please get to know me first.

Okay, chilled. Heading over to RP for late lunchie with Pokka & Cheiry tomorrow then visit grandpa. That's my plan. Not gonna give no shit about what others want from me for now. Talk all you want. Kinda miss nick pretty bad. No messages, no calls and no meetups. I bet some people feel my pain right now. Well, friday is nearing so I get to see him and spent extra time with him. Happygirl94! Hopefully things will start going smoothly and even though it seems like things have hit rock bottom and I have people in my life who totally don't understand me, I hope my days would start cheering up. Tired of feeling upset or depressed.

Sometimes, I really want to let you know mum, I hang with my friends more than you is because you never ever say anything nice about me.. You comment on my without getting to know me & you tell the whole world what a bitch I am. You make everyone think I'm self-centered and humiliate me every single time. So yes, i'm exhausted with so much going and with you. Fine by me if you want to continue thinking this way about me, I wanna be happy. That's my main goal in life, I do not want you as an obstruction either.

My Heart Is Drenched In Wine

Hi, I'm back. Not feeling that well with everything happening so please just bear with my rants. I'm really upset and I honestly feel like I'm losing everything and everybody.. And in one short month everything seem to have crumbled down on me. Nothing, yes NOTHING is going my way at all.

Missing my baby boy now & wondering how things are going. This is the first time I've actually gone so long without him and it's the crucial time that I need him most. I received signs but refuses to admit that it was true. And now what, everything at one shot. I need a break, I need some time to be alone. I hate how things are no longer ever going my way. I need my grandpa, I need Nick.

Nick used to be there for everything. I could be so certain that when I'm down and in tears he would be there making a fool out of himself or just being irritated by my tears but still, I love him very much. And this one week without him is practically like living without food. Things are at it's worst and there's no one I can look for for comfort. My family are all devastated and looking to them for comfort is just adding more sorrow to me. And my friends? They are all worried for some certain thing be it relationship or just their life.

Somehow I feel that when things don't work out, all of it is nothing working out at all. I wish people would understand that, I'm only eightfuckingteen, as much as I'm suppose to give a fuck, I can't show it out. I wanna care but I don't know how to express it. Somehow everything has it's way of making seem irresponsible or heartless. I wish I was better at expressing.

So now, my grandpa..

I love my grandpa to death, in fact, I feel he's the closest family I have other than my aunt. I admit, I'm rude to him at times when I'm grumpy or having a bad day, but still I love watching shows with him and hearing him sing the theme songs of those shows.

He cooks and cleans for me many times whenever my parents are not around because he doesn't want me to do it, he even shoos me away when I insist on doing it. He loves me, and I can't tell you how much his love me is but it's definitely more than anyone else. I love my grandpa too, and I want him here with me at home now to wake me up from work, to get my delicious food to eat.

No matter how tired he is, he would make that extra effort for me. I want him here with me now and not in the hospital. Without him, this house feel nothing like a home, and I don't even wanna be here without him.

So please, everyone pray for him. This is where religions doesn't matter because all you got to do is wish for him to be alright. He's the grandpa that never sees the doctor, the grandpa that drinks coke because plain water makes him puke, he's the grandpa that thinks I'm five and I like it that way. I would do anything to buy him more time.

I love you grandpa, stay strong for me. I need you. You're my fairygodgrandpa. Nobody can take your place forever.

Chinese New Year 2012

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Laughs, I know I haven't been blogging because I damn lazy. Okay I know damn pig but I can't be bothered to because my life damn boring.

Currently rotting in school now because there's nothing to do at all! And guess what? I'm playing pokemon, yes I kinda figured that I really need a life. So how has everyone cny been? How are the angpows collection this year? Haha.

Haven't been lucky lately considering that I've lost like 2 days in a row! My gosh! Went Songwei's place yesterday to hang with seeling, sw, jona & young. Was pretty fun. My reaction when i went there was epic. Cause his condo was located at some ulu terraces place. So i was thinking like EH HE STAY BIG BIG HOUSE AH! Only to realise his condo is located among the terrace, DIAOOOOO! 

Meeting young & amanda later at Bishan, woah. I actually just wants school to end soon. I have no idea why the hell am I here actually. Not even doing anything. Just here to connect some cables and nua. I'm still considering if it will be okay if I just fail this and get better grades for the rest. Aikes, this is really pissing. 

Okay, back to pokemon now! BYE! Will blog soon, I PROMISE! 

I won't give up

Hello! Okay, making the effort to blog even when sometimes I have no mood or nothing to blog. Been MC-ing lately and finally going back to school tomorrow. Excited? Hmm not really. I swear I feel I am wasting my time in school. But fuck, I'm leaving in a couple of weeks so just tolerate till it's over. Anyway school fees has been paid for already and if I didn't go, that would be a big waste of money too.

So what have I been doing lately? Simple, wake up eat sleep then meet Nicholas, continue sleeping and the cycle repeats. Oh not forgetting the fact that I am eating like a freaking pig. Yes I've put on so much weight I'm afraid to look at myself. Don't even have the gut to weigh myself to see how much I've gain.

OKAY! I know I very whiny but you people need to know it's not easy being a girl okay! You are either too fat or too short, and as for me I'm both fat & short which equals to I'm practically hopeless. I really need to lose some weight before the fat starts showing itself more.

Suggestions to losing weight people? Just facebook me, tweet me or sms/whatsapp/call me. ANYTHING! I just need help. Tired of being fat. I'm fine with being short, it's pretty cute sometimes. Okay, self praising. I need a life.

Hmm I haven't been really feeling that happy or cheerful lately but thank God for friends & love ones. Nicholas has been a dear lately. Thankful for everything.

Although it's friday the thirteenth tomorrow, I hope that as the days pass, everything will get better, everyone will be happier.

It was never meant to be like this

I'm gonna be an honest girl right now. I am not having the time of my life rn and I definitely am not happy. In fact, I'm dying a little more everyday. Sometimes you have to go through such extreme pain to know what life is all about. 

This one month has been the most torturous for me. I am faced up with people that I have to disappoint and a lot more. Let's just say, it's a very crucial period of my life that I've to learn to know how to face situation that may be life threatening and very hurtful emotionally to me and the people around me. 

To think that I'm only seventeen, I feel that I've gone through enough at this age. And what I really do hope that a rocky start means a brighter future for me. 

P.S./ everyone like so lazy to blog nowadays and everyone is vlogging. Might be doing it too cause I wanna keep my blog alive eh.

Tragedy strikes & all you can do is watch

Okay I had a really bad start to this year but I really don't wish to elaborate any further cause thinking about it kills me bad enough. But after I'm all over with this, I really just wanna live my life to the fullest. It hard to feel happy or fine in fact, but all these shit is just part and parcel of life.

Never in my seventeen years of life did I imagine a life so tough. I really hate the fact that I was brainwashed by fairytales, where all bad things just fade off in a couple of hours or days, then boom, happily ever after. What is the invention of fairytales for? To give us a harder time to face the real world when we grow up? It's crap, seriously.

Well, stop being negative. On the bright side, I'm leaving RP for good. Yes, it's confirmed. No more RP and stupid programming, really just gonna focus on being best friend with my calculator and read numbers like they are my own kids.

I'm not really prepared for the nightmare, but I would rather suffer going through numbers than coding. Math beats programming hands-down.

& Big Thanks To My Nicky Young

In this whole journey, I've been cranky and screaming my head off at him. But he stayed on and on till today. Lately, my mood has been way worse and he stood by me still, making me smile even when I'm always there to make sure he is lack of sleep and broke as hell. This boy have proven himself to be my man and I'm very thankful for that.

Who knows what is prepared for us in future but I do hope we would stay strong and pull through. No more drama, just you and me.

Thank you love

In school now, bored as hell and I really just want to go home. After giving it much thoughts, I'm really thinking of leaving Republic Polytechnic for good. Yes the friends are fun, the classes are entertaining at times. But the routine life & the modules are not what I want. I mean, I would rather suffer doing something I want to pursue in.

So giving it much thought, I think I'm going to talk to my cousin and see if talking to my mum about this would be worth it or not. Bottom line, I just really dislike how I am wasting time in Republic Polytechnic. I have no idea how is programming (Java codes) have anything to do with what I'll be doing in future. So I really have no idea why I'm still here. Hoping that my talk with my mum will work out. Wishing that for once they'll understand what I'm going through and maybe help me through it.

Okay, not gonna crap about stupid school stuff for the entire post, I'll probably bore you all to sleep anyway. So yeah, let's talk about something else. Lately, nicky has been a very sweet baby. Been pms-ing really badly and whining like a baby ad my darling boy has been super nice by cheering me up instead of pms-ing on me too! Great change from him since last year.

Yes, I'm pretty confident about fulfilling this year new year resolution of a peaceful & happy relationship with young! Super happy (: BUT I have this feeling that he wouldn't make it to my school in time to fetch me later. So I'll probably be the one going to find him instead. Waiting for his blinking lights on my blackberry to appear so I can make sure he won't be late later!

I actually have a lot of things to post about but apparently after watching a video of aaron tan & steven lim what ever inspiration I have to post like suddenly disappear. I'm a singaporean myself, and I honestly feel super disgrace by people like them. And to think that this idiot, Steven Lim, has appeared on televisions & has the cheek to make music videos. Wow, really.

To think that youtube is also a worldwide thing, so yeah times infinite embarrassment to Singapore. With all the shitty things happening in Singapore, plus all these weirdo. Our reputation would drop like mad. Let's hope Singapore would do something about all of these soon.

I'm dead tired, shall stop ranting, whining or whatever. Napping time!

This is what we call life

Worried about thing i shouldn't be. Sometimes I wish i could be worry free. Being a kid feels way better, all you have to worry about is what is mummy going to cook for me later or what time is playtime. Why do we have to grow up so fast and face the world. Nobody gave us a heads up that the society would be screwed, nobody told us we have to go through hell to reach heaven.

Why were we brought up through happiness when we'll face hell soon enough. Well, this is what people call life. Where bitterness kicks in first then you enjoy the glory. But it isn't fair is it? Why is it some don't even have to try. Yet some have to go through crazy much to enjoy.

Well, I guess nobody's perfect, those that were brought up with everything they want would never know what life is. And those that were brought of with nothing would never know what it feels like to have everything in front of you.

I'm just going through a stepping stone in life but I wish to end it so fast. Nobody said it would be so tiring but what the heck, I'm halfway there. Let's continue, it's life after all.

So during every start of the year, there would always be a time for new year resolution. Though i never fail to forget them, having them still don't kill right. Here comes my list:
1. Be closer with daddy God. (Need to stop backsliding, doesn't mean I don't go to church means I shouldn't pray too.)
2. Have a great relationship and go through everything with maturity (Big no no to dramas please.)
3. To finish RP as soon as possible and get out of there. (It contributes shit loads to what I call hell.)
4. To continue living a life I'm comfortable with and confident to call it my own.
5. Visit my dear aunt more (Okay, i really love her to bits.)
6. Get myself organized then get a dog as companion (I'm damn bored at home.)
7. Stop all rivalry with anyone I have (I'm just really tired.)
8. Be everything I can to make anyone who is close to me happy.
9. Learn to save money. (I'm really needing this.)
*10. Always be happy. (I live my life for myself, so i guess that most important after all.)

Let's just keep it at ten this year. There's a lot for me already. I'm gonna try to make it happen this year. Gonna make a list. I don't want to waste my life away and start regretting like a fool again, been there done that.

Yes, tomorrow would be the start of the last term for year 1. Happy? Yes. Sad? Yes. Why? Cause I'm not prepared for what's ahead. Considering I'm already dying in year one with all the programming and networking, I'm terrified of what I have to face in year 2. But nonetheless, I'm gonna give it my best shot to complete this year without repeating. Praying hard.

That's all for today, gonna have my late night snacks and get ready for hell tomorrow. Goodnights!

Happiness is key

Bless in the name of the Lord, may love be on it's way to me. For I shall not ask for much, just happiness with the ones I love this christmas.

I may not have been a good girl dear santa, but everyone do deserve a chance. So for love, I hope i get mine, to to find happiness once more.

Once again, I shall say, I don't ask for much this christmas, just to be happy with the ones I love - God, family, friends & Nicholas Young,

Bless me, bless all. Happy Merry Christmas Eve.


xoxo.

Daddy God,
I wish for nothing much this year, just a little more happiness in my life dear Lord. I promise to be good, i promise to be me. The year is coming to an end, and this time i wish for it to be the best. Smiles & laughter and if there is to be tears, let it be tears of joy oh Lord. Amen.

Long But Worthy

Finally ended a super long day with nick (: Haha, thank God he has finally come to a stop from travelling anywhere to do some missionary work. Now he's all mine till the rest of my holiday ends.

It's been a super long day today & i'm super exhausted. Slept at bloody 5am for no apparent reason. Usually this happens only when i'm effing excited about something, but i don't know what was so exciting that i couldn't sleep! So guess what i do the entire night? I freaking stared at winnie while she's sleeping like a pig. And finally fell asleep but woke up late to meet nick cause stupid winnie forgotten to wake me up, need to bitch slap her x100.

Rushed like a pig and left the house to cab over to nick's place. Thank God he wasn't awake when i got the so i passed! Not counted as late! YAY! But tired as ever, not enough sleep + hungry like pig = super grumpy me. But i manage to hide my grumpiness and moodswing (:

Then arcade with nick & zhiyong. Then training with baby. Played with cordelia and laughed like mad girl. Well, that pretty much led me to feeling so piggy now. Feel like dying on my bed.

One thing for sure is, I'll definitely sleep before winnie does today. No doubt. TOO TIRED.

Okay, gonna catch cars 2 with winnie on skype now & sleep halfway through, xoxo.

No Regrets

It has been a long long time since i last updated my blog! So i guess it's time to revive the blog. Do a little editting to my background of the blog and start trying and remembering to post everyday if possible.

Well, lately i've been taking off a lot of my time doing covers. I did my first mash up too! Did it together with my childhood buddy, Winnie. Spent a lot of time doing just two cover. And since christmas is coming soon, i'm going to flood my facebook page & blog with all my new christmas cover.

Ohmygosh, one year has passed by so fast. And i must say, it has been one hella tough year but I'm always looking for a good year in future (: Last year christmas eve was hell, so i'm going to enjoy myself this year!

Been very close with daddy God lately, talking to Him almost everyday. Sometimes i feel a sense of relief while talking to Him. Not trying to pshyco anyone into believing in my beliefs but i used to be so obsessed with the fact that I must have that someone in my life.

But talking to Him, changes everything. Right now, i just want the person I love to be happy. Even if someone gives up on me, I want to know that i've tried my best and gave everything I could. For once in my life, i wish to live my life with no regrets.

So right now, this is how i'm going to live my life.

P.S./ And i miss Nicholas very much! Worst, i'm sick & i can't go out much anymore. Just when christmas is about to arrive i fall sick. What a killer! :'(

xoxo.

Incomparable

Such patience, such generosity, she's nothing like her. She wishes she could be better everyday, but she could never be like her. She looks at her and used two words to describe her, "perfect lover" wondering, why he let her go for someone like her. He has the choice to choose between someone nobody wants and someone that everyone wished for. And she wonders why he picked her? She could only try and keep trying to be her but never able to achieve it. Torturing herself thinking she was a lousy lover because she was not able to compare to her.

Wish You Were Never Born

I never hated someone so much for so bloody long. Seriously, this guy here is fucked up.

Which loser shoots girls till blue black? Well he does. I wish he died. He thinks that he is so POPULAR just because he hangs with the cool kids. Spouting vulgarities like nobody business. Coming in class thinking he's the boss.

Don't anyhow throw thing, not happy? Stay home, nobody owes you a shitty living. Test my patience more, i confirm give you one rabak. I mean what I'm saying right now. Don't hit my limit. I tolerated your bullshit long enough.