Finally saw young today. But it sure didn't feel right at all. I feel that recently whatever I do, I am never ever good enough for anyone, be it family or friends. And it's like.. no one really understands how much pain I'm going through and how much of a break I really need and how much appreciation I would show if someone could at least think for me for once. I'm pretty tired to be seen as the bad guy, as the heartless monster.
I swear, right now, I feel everything I do, FOREVER WRONG.
1. Visit my grandpa late - I don't give no shit about him.
2. Trying to understand that my boyf still need his friends - Get fucked by his mum.
3. Trying to help boyf's parents lessen their stress - Get fucked by boyf.
4. Worried for boyf - Ask to ignore (If we were together for a few days, maybe it's possible, but a year plus? Asking me to ignore is like asking me to dig my grave for myself and bury myself alive)
5. Decided to hide how I feel so people worry less - Being fake.
6. Thinking quietly so that even though it hurts, nobody know - Caught stoning, get fucked.
Fuck this piece of pangsai man, what does the fugging world want from me? Nowadays, I feel like I'm not wanted anywhere. Go where, confirm got something I do or say is definitely wrong. So yes, I've concluded that every single person's life would be so much happier without me. Really, I'm useless everywhere I go, my self-esteem has drop from a hundred to ground zero.
Sighing every five minutes trying to figure a way out for me. How the hell is it possible to make everyfuckingone happy and keep myself happy too? It's like pick one & there's no other choice. Sometimes I really wanna tell the world to go fuck themselves. And this is what people call life? These are call obstacles? Wow, wouldn't it be great if shits called obstacles were lessen and maybe a little more happiness? Oh wait, but in fairytales, it's always happily ever after. So I assumed that the "after" in fairytales means death in real life. Because to be very honest, if that was the effing case, I would've killed myself the moment I was born.
I really don't get it, we can't commit suicide because it lead us to hell. There's no other way but to feed yourself with shit and pass away then you go to heaven and enjoy. So what is these shit eating session for? Life lesson? I sure as hell didn't learn anything but knowing and wanting to pass away sooner, better yet eat all the crap and die of some shit heart attack and pass away, NATURAL DEATH ALSO WHAT!
Pissed with life.
