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♀ ɔʜɘʀʏʟ ♥
You can never talk someone out of love. They have all these excuses; they find perfection in imperfection, beauty in the ugliness and love in wrath.
Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Blog Archive

What goes around comes around

Saturday 28 April 2012

Okay I'm blogging with my iPad now because I ain't going home tonight because I hate how unreasonable my dad can be.

So yes back here to rant. The problem is, today when my mum fetched me to work she told me that she will tell my dad to come over to pick me up from work since I'm going to end really late so that when he picked me I won't have to go home very late. So when I was near ending time, I gave him a call not knowing that it was my phone that is causing problem so I called several times before realising my phone had no reception so I moved myself and called again and asked him nicely and again this asshole fucking scolded me. Then fucking say till like I fucking only think for myself. If you don't want me to go out bloody hell just tell me you want me stay home. No need to add so much oil to the fire. And furthermore you complained to mum as if it was my fault. Seriously you only think for yourself and think you fucking awesome. Too bad man, you're far from it you're just pure arrogant. Trust me dude I'm not the only one saying it.

And okay Cheryl is having problems with Tingli and I would like to ask everyone what do you think of this. This child play is driving me mad la k. So this girl name Tingli decided to leave her things with Cheryl to sell but want to take back last minute. And she expect Cheryl to go her house again to pass to her which I think too ridiculous. Then this Tingli tell me neverminds, lot one but the thing is still far for Cheryl so I gave her a choice bukit panjang since its so close to lot one like five ten minutes can reach already she say she got curfew and she stays at bukit batok so being nice and understanding I told her k lo leave at my house then she use the curfew reason again and started being rude. Fuck I dont know why people grow their brains on butt nowadays. Seriously as a friend of hers I believe you guys know where is bukit batok lot one and bukit timah right? So can you please teach her before bringing up gangster stuff to talk. Really what is happening to the world.

Okay shall stop ranting, gonna chillz and spend the night with baby!

So near yet so far

Wednesday 25 April 2012

Hello! Haven't blogged cause I barely had the time to even used the comp super exhausted from work and I need a break ASAP!

So lately I've been really busy with work and also with frequent hospital visit to meet my grandpa, thank God he doing so well compared to before. And hopefully in time he will be my healthy grandpa again. Sigh only the first month of work and I'm dead tired! Feel like a weaklinggggg!!

Things has been going great with slutty young too! Happy together and no distraction from anyone or anything haha!

Well I think in reaching my stop already! I shall blog when I'm free! Of course, I'll feel the post with pictures too! And I think in going to start doing covers with iPad! I tried it out it was pretty good so ya think I'm just going to use it!

Make a chance

Guess what! Hahah, I'm posting on the bus with an iPad now. So bloody bored and so bloody lazy to get to work but I need money so desperately. And the downside to this entire bullshit is that I have to work for the entire week straight with no off days, is like killing me mentally y'know!

Ugh! Work is killer, I honestly can't wait for school to start and I'm always a sucker for new environment. Haha learn new things and I really have the feel to be a nerd! Hehe!

Okay so lately it has been tiring for me! Before work visit grandpa, after work visit grandpa or find baby. Is like I haven't had a chance to really sit down and think about story of my life for even one second! Never been so busy in my life before. Hahahaha need a break like now!

Okay I'm reaching my stop! Shall edit the blog post later or just create a new one! Buh-bye

I wish people could see with their heart

Friday 20 April 2012



Finally saw young today. But it sure didn't feel right at all. I feel that recently whatever I do, I am never ever good enough for anyone, be it family or friends. And it's like.. no one really understands how much pain I'm going through and how much of a break I really need and how much appreciation I would show if someone could at least think for me for once. I'm pretty tired to be seen as the bad guy, as the heartless monster.

I swear, right now, I feel everything I do, FOREVER WRONG.

1. Visit my grandpa late - I don't give no shit about him.
2. Trying to understand that my boyf still need his friends - Get fucked by his mum.
3. Trying to help boyf's parents lessen their stress - Get fucked by boyf.
4. Worried for boyf - Ask to ignore (If we were together for a few days, maybe it's possible, but a year plus? Asking me to ignore is like asking me to dig my grave for myself and bury myself alive)
5. Decided to hide how I feel so people worry less - Being fake.
6. Thinking quietly so that even though it hurts, nobody know - Caught stoning, get fucked.



Fuck this piece of pangsai man, what does the fugging world want from me? Nowadays, I feel like I'm not wanted anywhere. Go where, confirm got something I do or say is definitely wrong. So yes, I've concluded that every single person's life would be so much happier without me. Really, I'm useless everywhere I go, my self-esteem has drop from a hundred to ground zero.

Sighing every five minutes trying to figure a way out for me. How the hell is it possible to make everyfuckingone happy and keep myself happy too? It's like pick one & there's no other choice. Sometimes I really wanna tell the world to go fuck themselves. And this is what people call life? These are call obstacles? Wow, wouldn't it be great if shits called obstacles were lessen and maybe a little more happiness? Oh wait, but in fairytales, it's always happily ever after. So I assumed that the "after" in fairytales means death in real life. Because to be very honest, if that was the effing case, I would've killed myself the moment I was born.

I really don't get it, we can't commit suicide because it lead us to hell. There's no other way but to feed yourself with shit and pass away then you go to heaven and enjoy. So what is these shit eating session for? Life lesson? I sure as hell didn't learn anything but knowing and wanting to pass away sooner, better yet eat all the crap and die of some shit heart attack and pass away, NATURAL DEATH ALSO WHAT!

Pissed with life.


Watching as the day goes by

Tuesday 17 April 2012


Yes, back blogging. Trying my hardest to make the blog come alive again. I find my life pretty boring and depressed really. Working my ass off since 10:30 am - 9:30 pm and my sales is still like shit. Nobody fugging steps into the shop at all. There's practically not a single soul in sight. Now you know how desperate I was to make my sales go higher. Furthermore, more sales equals more money ($$$!) So I'm so bloody desperate but still no luck.

After many failed attempts of pshyco-ing people to buy something, Siti & I decided to end our misery, closed the shop early and headed over to pasir panjang for dinner with my parents if not somebody is gonna scold me for not eating again. Was too damn tired so I slept during my break, didn't even give a damn if people was looking a not, LOL.


Back home after that feeling as shitty as usual. Grandpa still hanging on to his dear life while I'm at home missing him. Kind of pissed off that people think that I literally give no shit about him. The thing is I have a fugging job, as much as I want to live life like some carefree person, I have responsibilities too! Can't possibly just take off as and when I want. Plus my shop only has me and Audrey around, if she doesn't open the shop, I have to. So can you all just understand that as much as I want to be and asshole and skip work like before I can't. Because if the shop doesn't open, I'm at fault & I'll get blacklisted?

It's annoying when my mum keeps rubbing it in my face that everyone was present but me. You think I don't want to be there? You think I want to ignore grandpa needs of me being around? Fuck, really. This is why I hate talking to her. She never gets me. Absolutely nothing I do pleases her. I don't get a job she says I'm wasting my life at home being a couch potato, so I go out, then she say I don't spend time with the family. I get a job and she says I don't care. What logic is this?

Getting on my nerves seriously. Any free time I have I make sure I'll go find grandpa, and I definitely don't need you to nag me to know that. You don't even know how I feel, I don't expect you to know that I care. From day 1, your words to me are "I don't care about anyone but myself" and "I only think for myself" and "I'm self-centered". I just find no reasons to talk back because clearly you don't understand me at all!

Still, I'm not going to let you affect me, I'm gonna visit grandpa when I can, and I love him. Your thoughts and comments have no bloody effects on me anymore. I'm pretty sick of being accused of being someone I'm not. Telling people how I am? Please get to know me first.


Okay, chilled. Heading over to RP for late lunchie with Pokka & Cheiry tomorrow then visit grandpa. That's my plan. Not gonna give no shit about what others want from me for now. Talk all you want. Kinda miss nick pretty bad. No messages, no calls and no meetups. I bet some people feel my pain right now. Well, friday is nearing so I get to see him and spent extra time with him. Happygirl94! Hopefully things will start going smoothly and even though it seems like things have hit rock bottom and I have people in my life who totally don't understand me, I hope my days would start cheering up. Tired of feeling upset or depressed.

Sometimes, I really want to let you know mum, I hang with my friends more than you is because you never ever say anything nice about me.. You comment on my without getting to know me & you tell the whole world what a bitch I am. You make everyone think I'm self-centered and humiliate me every single time. So yes, i'm exhausted with so much going and with you. Fine by me if you want to continue thinking this way about me, I wanna be happy. That's my main goal in life, I do not want you as an obstruction either.

My Heart Is Drenched In Wine

Monday 16 April 2012


Hi, I'm back. Not feeling that well with everything happening so please just bear with my rants. I'm really upset and I honestly feel like I'm losing everything and everybody.. And in one short month everything seem to have crumbled down on me. Nothing, yes NOTHING is going my way at all.

Missing my baby boy now & wondering how things are going. This is the first time I've actually gone so long without him and it's the crucial time that I need him most. I received signs but refuses to admit that it was true. And now what, everything at one shot. I need a break, I need some time to be alone. I hate how things are no longer ever going my way. I need my grandpa, I need Nick.


Nick used to be there for everything. I could be so certain that when I'm down and in tears he would be there making a fool out of himself or just being irritated by my tears but still, I love him very much. And this one week without him is practically like living without food. Things are at it's worst and there's no one I can look for for comfort. My family are all devastated and looking to them for comfort is just adding more sorrow to me. And my friends? They are all worried for some certain thing be it relationship or just their life.

Somehow I feel that when things don't work out, all of it is nothing working out at all. I wish people would understand that, I'm only eightfuckingteen, as much as I'm suppose to give a fuck, I can't show it out. I wanna care but I don't know how to express it. Somehow everything has it's way of making seem irresponsible or heartless. I wish I was better at expressing.

So now, my grandpa..


I love my grandpa to death, in fact, I feel he's the closest family I have other than my aunt. I admit, I'm rude to him at times when I'm grumpy or having a bad day, but still I love watching shows with him and hearing him sing the theme songs of those shows.

He cooks and cleans for me many times whenever my parents are not around because he doesn't want me to do it, he even shoos me away when I insist on doing it. He loves me, and I can't tell you how much his love me is but it's definitely more than anyone else. I love my grandpa too, and I want him here with me at home now to wake me up from work, to get my delicious food to eat.

No matter how tired he is, he would make that extra effort for me. I want him here with me now and not in the hospital. Without him, this house feel nothing like a home, and I don't even wanna be here without him.

So please, everyone pray for him. This is where religions doesn't matter because all you got to do is wish for him to be alright. He's the grandpa that never sees the doctor, the grandpa that drinks coke because plain water makes him puke, he's the grandpa that thinks I'm five and I like it that way. I would do anything to buy him more time.

I love you grandpa, stay strong for me. I need you. You're my fairygodgrandpa. Nobody can take your place forever.