Hi, I'm back. Not feeling that well with everything happening so please just bear with my rants. I'm really upset and I honestly feel like I'm losing everything and everybody.. And in one short month everything seem to have crumbled down on me. Nothing, yes NOTHING is going my way at all.
Missing my baby boy now & wondering how things are going. This is the first time I've actually gone so long without him and it's the crucial time that I need him most. I received signs but refuses to admit that it was true. And now what, everything at one shot. I need a break, I need some time to be alone. I hate how things are no longer ever going my way. I need my grandpa, I need Nick.
Nick used to be there for everything. I could be so certain that when I'm down and in tears he would be there making a fool out of himself or just being irritated by my tears but still, I love him very much. And this one week without him is practically like living without food. Things are at it's worst and there's no one I can look for for comfort. My family are all devastated and looking to them for comfort is just adding more sorrow to me. And my friends? They are all worried for some certain thing be it relationship or just their life.
Somehow I feel that when things don't work out, all of it is nothing working out at all. I wish people would understand that, I'm only eightfuckingteen, as much as I'm suppose to give a fuck, I can't show it out. I wanna care but I don't know how to express it. Somehow everything has it's way of making seem irresponsible or heartless. I wish I was better at expressing.
So now, my grandpa..
I love my grandpa to death, in fact, I feel he's the closest family I have other than my aunt. I admit, I'm rude to him at times when I'm grumpy or having a bad day, but still I love watching shows with him and hearing him sing the theme songs of those shows.
He cooks and cleans for me many times whenever my parents are not around because he doesn't want me to do it, he even shoos me away when I insist on doing it. He loves me, and I can't tell you how much his love me is but it's definitely more than anyone else. I love my grandpa too, and I want him here with me at home now to wake me up from work, to get my delicious food to eat.
No matter how tired he is, he would make that extra effort for me. I want him here with me now and not in the hospital. Without him, this house feel nothing like a home, and I don't even wanna be here without him.
So please, everyone pray for him. This is where religions doesn't matter because all you got to do is wish for him to be alright. He's the grandpa that never sees the doctor, the grandpa that drinks coke because plain water makes him puke, he's the grandpa that thinks I'm five and I like it that way. I would do anything to buy him more time.
I love you grandpa, stay strong for me. I need you. You're my fairygodgrandpa. Nobody can take your place forever.
